


Confessions in the night

by AceLucky



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bathing/Washing, Body Dysphoria, Body Worship, Bofur's Hat - Freeform, Bombur's cooking, Comfort, Depression, Durincest, Fluff, Hormones Are a Bitch, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Moonlight, Multi, Periods, Porn Some Plot, Reader-Insert, Scars, Smoking, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, period pains, womanhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 14:24:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: The reader has found themselves transported to Middle Earth and is now a part of the company of Thorin Oakenshield. Feeling more at home here than they did back 'home' they open up to various dwarves (especially Thorin) about their past, depression and anxiety. One night whilst bathing alone, Fili stumbles across them and notices the scars on their arm. Cue - Fili and Kili asking a lot of questions, comforting the reader and eventual smut/body-worship. Some story, some smut, quite a bit of fluff.





	1. At Home

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the following confession from the kinkyhobbitconfessions tumblr - http://kinkyhobbitconfessions.tumblr.com/image/77345406976 
> 
> This is where I also need to point out, that this was my confession, I remember sending it into the blog one miserable day during work when I lived in Manchester. Anyway, over the years I occasionally go back to it to see the notes (and in the past the comments, although tumblr removed these?) Anyway during NaNoWriMo I decided to turn my confession into a fic in the hope it might bring some joy to others. 
> 
> Originally I was going to make-up a name for the flower that Dori finds, but decided to go with one referenced in Tolkien's works - although never referenced to as a medicinal flower, I thought it was a nice image. 
> 
> Other notes - This chapter doesn't have much Kili/Fili/reader in it, it's more establishing the relationships and a lot of Thorin comforting the reader instead, which I like.

You paced up and down, careful to remain quiet and not wake the others. The fireplace was still crackling, the inviting warmth was almost unbearable but you knew the moment you sat down you would be back up again, unable to sit still for more than a moment. 

You walked over to the cliff edge and admired the view, you knew somewhere out there, there would be vast orc packs and wargs, but not even that knowledge could spoil the view for you. The mountain tops stood to attention against the royal blue sky, the pine trees in the distance swayed a little in the breeze and the moon was full, beaming down on all it’s children.

Despite the adventure and the impending danger, you felt safer than you had done in years, safe from others and more importantly safe from yourself. The urge to do stupid things had died somewhat, away from technology, the hustle and bustle of the modern world, away from social media, the judgements of others… Life was far simpler here in many ways and the pressure you had once felt seemed to disappear completely. 

You felt at home in amongst a group of dwarves all of whom had no home, a group of homeless misfits, and yet the welcome they had shown you, the care they had taken with looking after you, meant the world to you. 

You loved nothing more than sampling Bombur’s cooking, listening to Bofur sing, watching them play pranks on another, Dwalin brooding, Balin telling tales, Bifur carving animals from wood. The company of Thorin Oakensheild felt like a family to you and despite not being a born inhabitant of middle earth, you had never felt like you belonged quite as much as you did here.

You pulled your blanket around you tighter as the night air was chilly and unforgiving. Thorin was still awake, smoking a pipe and staring out into the distance, he didn’t appear phased by the sound of orcs, just listened intently. 

You sat down along the same ledge as him but further away so not to disturb him. After a few minutes you realised Thorin was staring at you, “Are you alright?”

You nodded, “Fine thanks, just difficult to sleep and a little cold.”

Thorin stood up and disappeared for a moment, when he returned he handed you another blanket, “Here, to help with the cold.”

You took the blanket gracefully and smiled, “Thank you Thorin.”

He returned the smile, “Mind if I sit for a moment?”

You shook your head, “No, not at all.”

Thorin sat next to you and held out his pipe, you smoked occasionally back home but had never smoked a pipe before but decided you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to try something new.

“Thanks, again.”

You took a puff from it and coughed a few times, the plant they were smoking was rather different to the tobacco at home, not unpleasant but took some getting used to.

Thorin laughed, “With practice you will find it rather smooth.”

You passed the pipe back to him, “So how are you finding this all?”

You shrugged, “It’s so different to my previous life and yet despite knowing that danger has the potential to be lurking around every corner, despite knowing the gravity of this quest and all the things that could go wrong, somehow I feel safer here than I ever did at home.”

Thorin almost looked surprised at this, “Really?” He was inquisitive as he spoke.

You nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, I mean, there weren’t the same dangers that there are here, there wasn’t the potential to be killed quite as often and you weren’t involved in fights like you are here but there were other dangers. Mental dangers…”

You pause for a moment unsure of how to continue, a lot of what you could say would likely confuse him, if you were to talk about social media, the internet, Brexit or Uber eats you knew it would just loose him. 

“People…” you started again, trying to pick your words carefully, “People were not as forgiving, people would judge you, really judge you on everything. They’d pick apart your life, there were always such high expectations of everyone, life moved so fast and you could never earn enough money to live comfortably and feel safe whilst also seeing friends and enjoying life. People would work themselves into the ground, we have polluted the planet.”

Thorin wrinkled his brows.

“Our planet is dying Thorin,” that was the best way you could put it, “Everyone is dying and it isn’t of old age or disease or valiantly in battle… People are working themselves into the ground to feed their families, only it’s never enough, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Greed and hatred, begets greed and hatred and so it goes on and on. Most monarchies.”

Thorin started to repeat the last word, you gave a little laugh and explained, “Royalty… They’re abolished now which in a way is good, no offence, but people at least are given the chance to vote for who they believe is best to lead their country. Only the choices are pretty shit you know, better the devil you know.”

“The devil?”

“Yes Thorin, the devil, he’s this… evil guy, maybe made up, the most evil.”

“Like Sauron?”

You nodded, “Yes, just like Sauron…although… you know, God paints the devil as evil but maybe the devil isn’t as bad as Sauron, Sauron sounds evil for evil’s sake, he wants power and control, he wants destruction and revels in pain. But the devil, I think he gets a bad wrap you know? I think he just wants freedom for humanity, an ability to make our own choices, our own mistakes and not feel guilty about it all the time.”

“This world of yours sounds complicated.”

You couldn’t help but laugh thinking of all the different drinks you could order at Starbucks, wedding seating plans, Travel visas, “You’re right Thorin, it is, it’s terribly complicated and full up and loud, and we’re killing our planet. Our world is dying and us along with it, it’s wretched you know and I feel sorry for us but also glad. I feel there is an end in sight where there will be no more suffering, just silence.”

You took a deep breath and felt tears well in your eyes, there was an old temptation that came flooding back to you, a desire to hurt to feel pain so you felt alive. You wiped the tears from your eyes and stared at Thorin, trying to focus on his handsome face, his kind brown eyes. 

Thorin reached out and put a hand on your shoulder, “You are always welcome to stay here you know, you have more than proven yourself over the past week.”

You reached up to Thorin’s hand and placed yours on top of his, “Thank you, and you know what? After this chat I feel much more able to go and sleep peacefully now.”

Thorin stood up and reached out for your hand, he helped pull you to your feet and then guided you over to the safety of the back of the cliff near the fireplace. You had taken to laying with Fili and Kili, they always made you feel safe and comforted you if you woke up from a nightmare. 

Your bed was next to Fili’s and Thorin watched you lay down before covering you with the extra blanket. 

He bent down and stroked your hair before kissing your forehead, “Do not let these troubles of old disturb your dreams, may you sleep peacefully and dream only of hope, you are safe my friend, we will protect you and make sure you come to no harm.”

He smiled at you as you snuggled down under the blankets. 

You yawned and replied, “Goodnight Thorin.”

The following day you were in much better spirits and were helping Bifur, Bofur and Dori to gather herbs and ingredients for Bombur’s stew when you spotted a rabbit. Bofur went to shoot it but you stopped him, “Please don’t.”

Bofur looked across at you confused, “But it’s nice and fat, would do well for a stew.”

You felt wretched, “I know, it’s just, I had a pet rabbit once and that one looks so much like him, please spare him, I wont stop you again.”

You couldn’t explain what it was but in an instance you felt such a strong connection to this particular rabbit, the way it’s ears were signalling and the way it’s nose twitched you knew you had to save it.

Bofur sighed but agreed, “Okay lass just for you.”

You smiled up at him, “Thank you Bofur, you are very kind.” You stroked his cheek and he blushed, turning his head into your palm a little.

All the dwarves made you feel safe, but there was something about Bofur which always made you smile, you often thought it was the hat that did it, he was charming, cheeky, funny and kind. 

You pulled him into a tight embrace, despite being taller than all the dwarves, the hugs always felt just right, even when it meant their heads were buried in your bosom. Bofur found himself in this predicament and seemed to flush even deeper crimson when he looked up at you, you just laughed in response and straightened his hat. 

“Miss y/n look at this!” Dori called out to you, interrupting the hug. 

The two of you walked over to where Dori and Bifur were stood, they were looking at some beautiful golden flowers, in the shape of bells. Dori picked a few and held them gleefully up to his face, then turned to you. 

“Do you know what these are?”

You shook your head, you had no idea, they didn’t look like any flowers back home, “No idea, we don’t really have many golden flowers back where I’m from.”

“These are Mallos, here take some,” he handed you the few he had picked.

“They’re beautiful.”

“Aye but they’re more than that, these are medicinal, they work for months after picking them, thought best fresh. They clean and help heal wounds, do wonders they do. Men on battle fields would often carry some in their horses satchels, you never know when you might need these. Better to be prepared I say!”

She nodded, “Be prepared, that was the guides and scouts motto!”

“The guides and scouts,” Dori repeated, seeming intrigued. 

“Oh Dori it was right up your street, you’d have absolutely loved it.” You laughed as you clasped your hands together. 

Dori seemed pleased by this and continued to gather the Mallos.

You returned to camp with other rabbits, Mallos, several kinds of berries, some wild garlic and stinging nettles as well as some mint.”

“Well, well, y/n seems you are quite the good luck charm,” said Kili as you entered that night’s camp.

Fili took a puff of his pipe and nodded in agreement, “Quite, look how much you’ve bought back from just one trip foraging.”

“Funny, they never thought of me as a good luck charm back where I’m from.”

You don’t know why you used the word, ‘funny’ it was something that had bought you no end of grieve. You walked over to Fili and Kili who moved apart, allowing you to sit in between them. They both put their arms round you and rested their heads on your shoulder.

You smiled fondly at Kili and then Fili. 

“Well, where you’re from, they clearly didn’t know a good thing did they?” Kili said.

“Or a great woman,” Fili added.

You put your arms round both of them, “Thank you.”

You were thankful for their comment, whilst you knew Thorin approved of you and so the others seemed to appear to also… There was a part of you, a leftover relic from your old life that taught you to be wary of others, that told you you would always be judged for everything you did. There was the part of your anxiety that clung onto you like a baby sloth to it’s mother, reluctant to let go even when of age. It wasn’t that you lacked trust in your new friends for you felt if they did not like you or wished you to leave the party they would have said so by now. They could have left you with the elves in Rivendell or taken you to a town with humans in, but they had decided to keep you on and for that you would always be grateful, if not a little confused.


	2. Midnight Bathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader cannot sleep and so goes to bathe in a warm pool at midnight. After drying and getting dressed they bump into Fili, the two of them have a quiet and heart-warming conversation in the woods before returning to camp and an annoyed Kili. This chapter is quite fluffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed chapter 1! The following chapter is something new (what I had for chapter 2 I've decided to leave till later in the story).
> 
> I should have pointed out the start of this story follows on from, 'Out of the fire into the frying pan' and before they reach the Home of Beorn.

Later that night, after a hearty stew and some ale you struggled to sleep once again. Thorin, however was already asleep and therefore you were unable to talk to him as you had the other night. You thought it might be nice to talk to Bilbo seeing as the two of you were in quite a similar situation but he too was asleep. You were terribly fond of Bilbo and could listen to him talk all day about his life back in bag end, how you wished that one day you could go with him to see The Shire, especially Hobbiton, it sounded so like the English countryside to you.

Bilbo was often a little nervous, unsure of his place in the group and that gave you great comfort to have such a kindred spirit in the little hobbit, with a big heart and far more courage than you had imagined at first.

You decided to go bathe in the warm waters that were just a short walk from where you were camped. The dwarves had bathed there earlier in the day but you hadn’t felt comfortable getting naked in front of them so said you would go later, only you had been carried away with the food, drink and story telling by the fire. Then Bofur had sung a lullaby and you had felt so snug and sleepy that you didn’t want to leave the safety of the camp fire. 

But now, struggling to sleep you decided to go for it, from the pool you could still make out the glow of the fireplace and see a few of the dwarves, so if anything happened you were certain help could be gained. You took your sword just in case and walked quietly through the woods, a few twigs snapped and you hoped it didn’t wake the others. An owl hooted up above and as you reached the pool you felt a calmness wash over you, this was surely how life was meant to be.

You placed the blanket next to the water so you could climb out and wrap it round yourself quickly, your sword was also placed here. Slowly you undressed and then tied your hair up, placing your clothes in a neat pile away from the water. 

You gingerly tested the water with your big toe, it felt lovely and warm and so you stepped down the natural steps and into the blue pool. As you sat down you rested your head backwards and gave a contended sigh. The water was warm all around you and when you opened your eyes you could watch the steam rise. There was quite a lot of light in the pool due to the moon shining above, you relaxed and reflected on the day.

The water seemed to sparkle in the moonlight, you purposefully caused small ripples in the water and watched them spread outwards, counting the time it took for them to disappear. It’s funny, back home, this was the kind of thing you tried when your anxiety was bad, but it never worked, not really, not like this. But now that’s all you could think of, the water, the moon, how warm and cosy everything was and how safe you were. 

After half hour you noticed your finger tips were starting to wrinkle and look like prunes so reluctantly you stepped out from the pool, wrapping the blanket round you and sat on a warm rock to dry. It was a new experience to not want to immediately wrap a towel around yourself, you trusted the company of Thorin Oakenshield so entirely, that had they caught you sat naked, you doubt you would have minded. 

You wondered then if you would have had a similar experience had you made it to Yellowstone as you had planned. You found yourself chuckling as the realisation dawned that yes, you probably could have had a similar experience, apart from the fact it would have been full of noisy tourists and screaming children, souvenir stands and all sorts. No, this was much better.

Finally you wrapped the towel round yourself and gently rubbed your arms and legs dry, Dori had a way of making the towels extra soft and fluffy. There was a moment then when you thought of home, of your parents and childhood, before everything went wrong, before the accident… You felt tears well in your eyes and scolded yourself for the moment of weakness. At least you had known love and happiness, despite what came after. 

You focused again on the water in front of you and the moonlight, the sound of the owl again in the branches helped to ground you. When you were nearly dry you put your clothes back on, you felt so warm you didn’t feel the need for all layers just yet and left your shirt sleeves rolled up. 

You decided to walk bare foot through the woods and carried your shoes and the rest of your belonging up to camp, careful to be quiet yet again.

“Who goes there,” a voice came from the shadows, you recognised it to be Fili’s.

“Fili, it’s me, y/n.”

You heard the dagger go back into the sheath, “Sorry y/n, I’d only gone into the woods to relieve myself and heard something moving, was worried it might have been an orc.”

You and fili walked out into the light together and you laughed, “Charming.”

Fili blushed, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be silly,” you patted this back.

Fili looked at you, studying you almost, it would have been the most undressed he’d ever seen you. His eyes widened when he saw you were barefoot. 

“Y/N you’ll catch your death of cold!”

You chuckled, “I come from somewhere a lot colder than this, trust me.” You paused, still warmed by his concern, “It’s nice sometimes, to have the earth beneath your feet, to feet grass, soil, rocks, roots…”

Fili cocked his head to the side, “I suppose I can see that.”

“Come, do you want to talk for a while?”

Fili smiled and nodded, “Sure, maybe away from the others a little.”

You agreed and the two of you walked back into the woods and to the pool. 

“I thought here would be good to chat, it’s warm here by the water and the rocks are warm to,” you explained.

Fili sat next to you and continued to look at you strangely, “But your feet, they aren’t like Bilbo’s!” He exclaimed.

“Oh really I knew you hadn’t let that go.”

You could just make out Fili blushing a little in the moonlight, before he had a chance to speak again you decided to change the subject, “So you couldn’t sleep either?”

Fili shook his head, “For a little I did… but there’s so much responsibility, this quest means everything to us, but mostly, to my uncle. I don’t want to let him down.”

Fili’s voice trailed off and you sensed sadness that you hadn’t seen in him before. You reached across and took hold of one of his hands, it was far larger than your own and it was only now you really noticed the difference in size. His hands were not nearer as rough as you thought they would be. 

You stroked his knuckles softly, “Fili, you could never disappoint Thorin, trust me, I know.”

Fili looked up to you, curious, “How can you know?”

You sighed, “It would take a life time to explain, but, where I am from, I suppose I see things differently, we learn subjects in school that help I guess and then there’s psychology and social studies and…”

Fili smiled, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

You shrugged, “I know, I could make up anything and you’d have to believe me because you don’t know any different.”

You gave a wicked grin, Fili chuckled and pulled his hand with your own close into his chest so you were facing him up close. You chuckled and pressed your forehead to his, for a moment you both sat there sharing this rare moment of intimicacy. 

When you pulled away Fili looked up at the sky, “Thorin was like a father to us, my mother and him had been so close when they were young.” 

Fili continued to stare at the sky, he pulled his hand away from you and placed both hands behind him on the rock so he could lean back and watch the stars. You followed suite.

“We’re not even half-way to Erebor… And we must be there by Durin’s Day, if we’re not then who knows what will happen.” Fili paused and turned to look at you for a moment, you were staring up at the stars too but could just make out he was looking. “After the nightmare with the Goblin’s and then the pale orc hunting us down like that.”

He let out a loud, audible sigh, “Without Bilbo or Gandalf, or the eagles… God knows where we would have ended up.”

You removed one hand from the rock to rest it on his shoulder, “There is no good in thinking what might have been, as it is passed, and we are all alive. As for the future, one day at a time young Prince, besides, things always look brighter in the light of morning.”

You turned to him and saw him smile, he then leaned into you and rested his head on your shoulder, “I’m glad you’re here y/n, I can’t explain why, but I feel safer when you’re around. You remind me of what matters.”

You felt the tears welling up again, this display of affection was a first. Of course you had been close to all the dwarves, especially Fili and Kili. The three of you would stay up telling tales, drinking, you slept next to one another and hunted by day. When on the road you would make sure to ride or run alongside them, but you’d never had a heart-to-heart like this.

“Do you miss home?” Fili suddenly asked, not moving from where he was. 

“Not really, this is my home now.”

“Good.”

“I suppose we’d best try to sleep.”

Fili didn’t say anything in response but suddenly you felt his fingers on your skin, it was is if they were tracing a pattern. It was only then that you realised what he was doing, you withdrew your arm so he could no longer touch you. 

“So many scars,” he said under his breath. “Do any of them hurt still?”

His voice was full of concern but you didn’t have the energy to explain, you shook your head, “Not physically no.”

He placed a hand on your chin, his fingers resting there, leaving his thumb to stroke your warm cheek. 

“I won’t ever let anyone hurt you again.”

You titled your head to nuzzle into his hand, “Thank you Fili, I’ll talk about it, one day, just not today.”

Fili nodded, “Of course, come, let’s go to bed.”

Fili stood up and reached out for your hand, you stood, but before the two of you walked back to the camp, you embraced. It was only briefly, but Fili held you tightly. 

You walked back to camp in silence, everyone was still sound asleep, apart from Kili who was sat with his back up against the rock. 

You walked over to him and to where your bed was before nestling into it. 

“Still awake too?” You whispered to Kili. 

“This one woke me up,” he poked grumpily at Fili as he got into bed. 

“You’ve been awake all this time?”

“I tried to get back to sleep but,” he paused and looked down at his hands, he was fumbling with his fingers and thumbs in a seemingly anxious manner, “It’s hard to sleep without you both beside me now.”

You smiled and then kissed Kili on the cheek, causing him to immediately blush. 

“Sorry, we’re here now.”

The three of you snuggled down into your beds, you pulled your blankets up against your chin and turned on your side. You loosely wrapped your arms round Kili and shuffled yourself so you were closer to him. Behind you, you felt Fili do the same, his arms wrapped round you and he buried his head into your back.

“Goodnight y/n,” Fili said.

“Goodnight Fili.”

“Goodnight y/n,” Kili then added.

“Goodnight Kili.”

“Fili?” Kili said.

“Huh?” Fili replied sleepily.

“Goodnight brother.”

Fili pulled you in closer, “Goodnight Kili.”

“Would you all just shut up and go to sleep!” Dwalin shouted from across the camp.

The three of you giggled and soon you were all fast asleep.


	3. Dawn to Dusk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of traveling on the road, the reader awakes to find they are experiencing period pains. After breakfast with Bofur, they have a cold exchange with Fili and Kili due to the pains and embarrassment. Deciding to continue the days journey in the company of Bilbo. As the sun starts to set the company are chased by an Orc Pack and Beorn, settling down in the shape-shifters home to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy I managed to get another chapter up before New Year! This chapter doesn't really go anywhere, but it moves the plot along in terms of the Hobbit storyline and the company ends up where i want them to be for the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

When you awoke, you became immediately aware of something that was missing, a shiver went down your spine as you realised how cold you were. Fili and Kili were already up, their bed rolls packed away. 

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and blinked a few times in an attempt to adjust to the sun light. You gave thanks for the fact that it wasn’t raining, and appeared to be quite a lovely day. There was no hint of red or pink in the sky, suggesting you had long since missed sunrise. After the sensation of being so chilly had washed over you, there was another feeling, a pang in your abdomen. At the time you assumed it was hunger, or where you had overslept. 

Just as you sat up Bofur appeared in front of you and handed you a bowl of what appeared to be porridge with some berries scattered on top.

Focusing on the pain in your abdomen you forced a smile, “Thanks Bofur, not sure my stomach has woken up yet,” you placed the bowl next to you, Bofur didn’t move.

“If I were you lass, I’d eat up quickly, the others are practically ready to leave.” Bofur said kindly. 

“Oh…” 

You thought you probably should have said something else, but oh, was all that really sprung to mind. You felt cross, you knew how desperate Thorin was to get a move on, and if they were late now you felt it was likely to be you that got the blame for it. Why hadn’t one of the others woken you up sooner? You felt especially annoyed at Fili and Kili, they were the ones who had promised to protect you. When they got up, why hadn’t they taken you with them?

You picked up the bowl of porridge again and despite not feeling like food at all, you took a large mouthful of the warm oats. It was still warm and you had to give credit to Bombur, it was good. 

You heard Bofur chuckle and looked up at him, you swallowed your current mouthful and then said, “Don’t you know it’s rude to watch someone eat?” Only you couldn’t say it with a straight face and started to laugh half way through. 

Bofur blushed and ringed his hands together, “Sorry lass, I guess, I guess I was just worried about you is all, sleeping in so long like that without waking.” Bofur looked across at the others who were still packing up camp. “Do you mind if I sit?”

You shook your head, Bofur sat next to you, “Is everything okay y/n?”

You sighed, was it really so obvious that you had been thinking about your past and that you felt so uncertain of the future? You didn’t have the energy to talk about it with someone else and so just rested your head on Bofur’s shoulder, a little to his surprise.

“I’m okay Bofur, just getting used to things. I’m at a cross roads see? I’m not sure what the future holds.”

Bofur turned to you and lifted your chin from his shoulder, “Aye lass I know the feeling, I’m here if you need to talk.”

You smiled fondly at the dwarf, behind him you noticed Fili and Kili had returned from wherever they had been. There was a look on their faces that could only be described as jealousy. You pulled away from Bofur, “Right I’d best get up and pack up.”

You ate the last mouthful of porridge, Bofur taking the bowl from you when you were done, and then you stood up to pack up your bed roll and blankets. It was as you bent over that you felt the same pain you had a moment ago, only now realised it was a familiar and dreaded pang. It felt as if everything inside you was twisting, as if you were being stabbed; period pains. When you first arrived in Middle Earth you had just had your period and seeing as you had only been here a few weeks, you hadn’t had to worry about it. In fact the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind. 

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath. You weren’t sure how you were going to manage, or what you were even going to use. You had a few tampons and pads in your bag when you arrived so figured you’d be okay for the first day or two, but after that? What did those who have periods in Middle Earth do?

You tried to force the thought out of your mind for a moment, it didn’t matter, you’d be okay for a few days and maybe during that time you would come across one you could ask. If only you had asked the elves in Rivendell you were sure they could have helped. If worse came to the worst, you could ask Oin, he was older and the healer of the group, therefore less likely to be embarrassed by the moon blood. 

Fili and Kili approached you as you picked up your bedding, “Need a hand?” Kili asked.

You shook your head and gave another forced smile. 

“Sure?” Kili sounded insistent. 

You shook your head again, “I’ll be fine.” You realised your tone had been a little sharp. 

Fili and Kili both looked at one another and then back at you, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, fine, wonderful in fact” you were sure you’d never sounded more fine in your life and immediately regretted speaking to them in such a way, especially when their faces dropped, their eyebrows wrinkling in confusion, you had hurt them.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so…I’m just tired,” you forced a weak smile.

They both placed a hand on your shoulders, “Then let me carry that for you.” Kili offered again.

This time you didn’t argue, “Thank you.”

Fili stayed with you as Kili walked away, “Did you sleep okay in the end?”

You nodded, “Yes, like a log, it’s not that.”

“More of what we were talking about last night?”

Before you had a chance to answer, Dwalin’s voice boomed across, “Time to go!”

You sighed and shrugged, “Sort of, we’ll talk more tonight.”

You walked away without hugging him or saying anything further, you just wanted time to think.

As the company moved out you remained away from Fili and Kili, a part of you wanted to stay with them and talk, but you were afraid that with your hormones seemingly suddenly raging, that you would say something you regret. 

You chose instead to walk with Nori, Dori and Ori for a while, listening to Dori’s tales, watching the others play pranks on one another, occasionally finding it in you to laugh. Several times whilst walking over the rough terrain you looked over your shoulder at Fili and Kili, offering a smile when you did. They would smile back, but remained at a distance.

After a few hours you dropped back to join Bilbo.

“Mind if I walk with you for a while?”  
“Not at all, I should be glad of the company.”

You smiled at the Hobbit, he had the ability to make you feel calm and safe, “I’m guessing this isn’t how you planned on spending your year?” You laughed.

“Not at all,” Bilbo answered, “But…But I’m not sorry.”

“Me neither,” you agreed. 

“What do you miss most about home?” Bilbo asked.

The word ‘Home’ still sounded strange when in context of the earth, there were a hundred things you missed, but most were memories of a long distant past, things that even if you returned there you would be unable to get back, so it seemed almost irrelevant. 

“Ohhhh I don’t know, my books I suppose, materials for writing and drawing, but then, I can find all of that here. I miss my bed in many ways, a few friends, I miss television.”

Bilbo wrinkled his nose, “What’s tele…televi…”

“Television,” you gave a laugh, “It’s a box, it lives in your sitting room and when you turn it on, the box comes to life with images and sound. It tells tales.”

“Like Balin?”

“Yes, I suppose, a little like Balin,” you paused, admiring the view, the path you were walking on was lined with flowers and ferns. “But most things I miss, I can get here, in one way or another. My family were travellers a long time ago, we all were in a way, and so a home can be made anywhere if you have the right ingredients.”

Bilbo smiled, “That’s the attitude. You know, I miss my books, the warm hearth, my arm chair, all of these things, yes,” Bilbo shoved his hands in his pockets, “But, they’ll all be there when I get home.”

You nodded, “Exactly, and I should like to come visit.”

“Oh but of course, and what a feast I shall prepare for you.”

You noted how his face lit up when he spoke of home and entertaining, then you did something unexpected and placed your arm round him the way you would have with old friends and pulled him close. 

“I am glad to be on this adventure with you Mr Baggins.”

Bilbo put his arm round you too, though he was only just over a half of your height, he was sturdy. 

You continued to walk in silence for a while, when you heard footsteps approaching you fast, as you looked over your shoulder you saw Fili and Kili walking up to you.

Bilbo gave you an awkward smile and started to shuffle off ahead, “I shall leave you three alone.”

“Thank you…Bilbo,” you spoke so quietly you weren’t sure he heard you.

“Do you mind if we join you for a while?”

The sun had started to set, you guessed you would be settling down to camp soon and as such it would be wise to talk to the two you would be sleeping next to, to clear the air as such. You nodded your head.

“How has today treated you?” Kili asked cheerfully, his brother shot him an annoyed glance.

You turned to Kili and just saw him mouth, “what?” to his brother. 

You smiled to yourself, “I’m okay, it’s just been a long day, I…” you turned to Fili, “What we were talking about last night, I guess that’s been playing on my mind some what. I will feel better soon I’m sure, it’s just one of those,” you paused and looked up at the moon, it was full tonight, bright and beautiful. “Woman’s things as well as troubles from old.”

Fili nodded and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, Kili on the other hand blushed a little and turned away.

“And…” you begun, hoping to divert the topic from your womanhood, “I think we ate something that didn’t agree with me, my stomach has been feeling rather unhappy with me. That’s why I’ve been so short with you.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” Kili said.

Fili nodded, “Exactly, no harm done.”

“Thank you both.”

The company came to a halt, Thorin ahead was looking from side to side, deciding which way to go next. You heard a howling in the distance and a shiver went up your spine. You saw Bilbo disappear, scrambling up some rocks.

The evening was cool and clear, a heavy pink and purple glow hung in the sky. You took a deep breath in through your nose, enjoying the peace and inhaling the scent of the pines. You felt two arms slip round you, Fili and Kili appeared tired, their heads rest on your shoulders. You turned your head towards Fili and kissed his forehead, then did the same to Kili. You hoped Thorin or Gandalf would call it a day as it was getting late and you must have walked further than you had most days.

Just as you started to relax you heard the fall of small rocks and opened your eyes to see Bilbo scrambling back down and heading with some urgency towards Thorin. The next minute, you were running for your life, an orc pack led by the pale orc was on your trail. 

“Come on! Faster!” Thorin shouted at the company.

You ran as fast as your legs could carry you, taller than the dwarves and with longer legs, in some ways it was easy for you to keep up, but the stamina of dwarves was something you couldn’t match. Fili and Kili made sure to run alongside you, to protect you incase the orcs were to catch up. 

Just as you started to think there was no hope, Gandalf shouted something from ahead and pointed at a house on a farm in the distance. The company started to run for the home, you focused on being back in school, of taking part in track, school sport’s days and racing against friends, or more importantly, bullies. Wanting to beat them had been what had spurred you on, and now you found it was working again.

As you entered into a large field, Bombur ran past you, it was then you heard an almighty roar. You daren’t look behind you as it didn’t sound like the orcs and dreaded to think what it could have been. You continued across the field, the ground beneath you now shaking as whatever it was that was chasing you, gained on you. 

The company reached the farmstead and struggled briefly with the door, you were grateful that Gandalf were there and were sure that without him you would be lost.

“Inside, quickly!” His voice boomed.

You didn’t need to be told twice, you rushed into the house behind Bofur and in front of Fili and Kili who ushered you in.

Inside you collapsed on top of the pile of dwarves who’d fallen inside. You looked over your shoulder just in time to see what looked like a giant bear running straight for you, you shifted back without realising what you were doing, just as Gandalf slammed the door shut. Several doors stood in front of it, pushing against it as Gandalf bolted the door shut.

“What was that?” Dori asked.

“That, was our host.”

You felt the blood drain from your face at this realisation, but again, it was Gandalf, you trusted him. As you stood and dusted yourself off you heard the dwarves arguing with Gandalf as he explained your host was a shape-shifter named Beorn. Several of the dwarves were panicking about trickery and witch-craft, you chose not to take part in the conversation and instead looked at your surroundings. You found yourself in a very warm, cosy home, half was like a cottage, only larger, and half was a barn. There were some animals dozing, unperturbed by your arrival, large bales of hay which looked comfy to sleep on and saddles for ponies.

Gandalf approached you then, whilst the dwarves continued to talk amongst themselves, “Well y/n, you certainly seem to have taken this news better than that lot,” he gave a warm chuckle.

You shrugged, “The world I come from is full of surprises, besides, I trust you…” You offered Gandalf a smile who nodded as a response, “Good, good.”

It didn’t take long for the dwarves to prepare for sleep, within half hour, each dwarf had picked where they were going to sleep, had covered themselves in blankets and were beginning to doze. 

Fili and Kili had nestled down in a corner of the barn, on a soft bundle of hay. They had set up camp near some ponies who appeared to snore in their sleep. Fili waved you over, you nodded and said goodnight to Bilbo as you passed him.

You settled down in between Fili and Kili as you always did.

“How’s your stomach now? Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you,” you lied. 

You laid down whilst the others were still sat up, they covered you with blankets and tucked you in.

Fili stroked your hair, “Sleep tight y/n, things will seem brighter in the morning, I promise.”

You smiled to yourself as the other two wiggled down next to you, they lay close to your body, the same as the night before, only this time you hugged Fili whilst Kili spooned you.


	4. The house of Beorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader wakes up in Beorn's house and decides to explore a little, weariness begins to take it's hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this really is a bit of a filler chapter, I'm aware I haven't updated in a few weeks and am not sure when I'd next get a few hours to write. I have later chapters already finished but needed to connect the parts. I kinda like this chapter though, it reminds me of Sunday afternoons, kinda lazy and with comfort.

When you awoke and opened your eyes you felt like Snow White, and chuckled to yourself softly about how ridiculous the situation was. You had to confess that last night’s sleep was the best night you had had since coming to Middle Earth. 

When you blinked and looked around, the barn was bathed in soft light as the sun was rising outside. Several large bees buzzed past you, larger than any you had seen in your grandparents garden when you were young. You had a memory then, of running through their garden, the sun beat down hard on your back, you could smell the foxgloves. Sunflowers stood proud and talk, facing the sun, their guiding light.

There had always been laughter then, your grandmother as she bought out iced tea into the garden and strawberries. Your grandfather digging his vegetable patch. Looking back on it now, it almost didn’t seem real, sometimes, reflecting on memories felt more of a dream than reality. It seemed impossible to fathom how this had been the real world, how the life you were living now was connected to that part before.

You sat up slowly, careful not to wake the others. While you had fallen asleep close to them, Fili and Kili were now spread out a little. You pulled the blankets over them so they were covered properly and didn’t wake from the cool sting of morning. The other side of the barn you saw Bilbo stirring. 

You knew you should get up, there was a sharp pain in your stomach again though which made you want to roll over and fall back to sleep. There was another pain, another need, your throat was dry and you craved water, maybe that was what was causing you to feel a little sick? You slid back down under the blankets and turned on your side, you ran your hand through Fili’s soft hair. You made sure your touch was gentle enough so that you didn’t wake him. 

The dwarves smelt of woodsmoke and cinnamon, of earth, it seemed so cliche to you to think like it, but they smelt like home.

You gently nuzzled into Fili and felt Kili stirring behind you, but instead of his arms slipping round you, he started to scratch your back. They were slow, careful traces at first, through the fabric of your night shirt. It was lazy, almost as if he didn’t know what he was doing, but you purred all the same. 

Your response was clearly the right one as he started to scratch a little more firmly, moving his hand in a circle and then up and down your back. Tingles went up your spine as he continued to work his magic, this had always been something you had been a sucker for. Close, personal attention, it didn’t have to be sexual or even romantic, just friends tracing their fingers across your arm, brushing your hair. Before you had come to Middle Earth that had been the advent of the ASMR artist on youtube. You found yourself smiling as you remembered Thorin’s question the other night about what you missed most about home. ASMR videos, that’s what you missed, but you knew if you tried to explain it to any of the others they’d probably find it strange or difficult to comprehend. So you would stay silent on that front. 

You stayed there for a while, enjoying Kili’s touch and the smell of Fili’s hair, after a time, Kili slowed his movements until his hand dropped from your back and you assumed he had fallen asleep.

You shuffled and slowly sat up, careful not to wake the other two. Whilst all the dwarves were still asleep (which surprised you considering how badly Thorin wanted to get a move on) you decided to explore a little of Beorn’s home. You stood up and tiptoed out of the bedding, you were wearing nothing but a long shirt which acted as a nightdress, so you picked up the blanket which had been on you and wrapped it round your shoulders. 

You crouched down, careful not to make too much sound to tuck Fili and Kili in, you noticed how Kili had shifted his weight to fill the space you had left, this left a smile on your face. 

You turned to look across the barn again, although sunlight was coming through the open window, the sun was still low in the sky, therefore you guessed it was earlier than you thought it was, explaining why everyone was still asleep. 

You tip-toed across the barn to where the cows were, you stepped onto the hay, careful not to startle them.

“Hey there girl,” you spoke softly, the cow, indifferent, turned to look at you.

You reached out a hand and stroked it’s side gently, the moment you started to pet the animal you felt relaxed. This was by far the nicest morning you’d had since reaching Middle Earth. 

There was another stall with some shetland ponies in it, you sat onto the hay and rested your head against it’s mane. “And I wonder what you are called.”

You walked across the barn towards the kitchen, you felt rude as you were an intruder in another’s home, but you were so thirsty and your stomach was still cramping, so figured some water and something hot to drink would help. 

The floorboards were somewhat creaky so you tried to tread as lightly as possible, it was amusing to you in that moment that you were human and therefore found it far easier to tread lightly than if you were a dwarf. 

There was a sadness though which came with realising Thorin had once again separated himself from the rest of the group and was surrounded mostly by shadow. You understood the position that the King was in, the responsibility that was on his shoulders and the need for him to spend some time alone, but he didn’t always need to be so broody and distance. 

Instead of walking straight past him you crept closer, feeling a little like a stalker you looked around to make sure none of the other dwarves were watching. Bilbo was stirring as the giant bees flew past him, but aside from that, no one moved. 

Dwalin muttered something in his sleep, Balin snored loudly, Bofur was asleep with his hat covering his face which made you chuckle. There was a level of endearment that you had for that particular dwarf that couldn’t be explained. But then you thought the hat might very well have something to do with it, Bofur was strong when he needed to be, he was wise and loyal, but there was something so goofy and fun about him that he always made you feel safe. 

You walked into the kitchen area and sat on a chair that was a little too big for yourself, you wondered about your host. Everything was slightly larger than it would have been back home. You counted the glass jars on one of the shelves, noting the contents in them, some herbs you had heard of, others were strange to you. 

You felt tired still and wondered if you should go back to bed, but that seemed pointless, the sun was rising fast and soon the others would be awake, no, you would wait for them to stir and enjoy this time alone. What you couldn’t ignore, however, was your thirst. You got up from the table and started to rummage through the kitchen, you knew it was rude, but then you couldn’t bear the dryness in your throat any longer.

You managed to find a jug with a lid on it which appeared to have orange juice inside, you found a glass and poured yourself a generous helping. As you swallowed the liquid you were reminded once again of home, the freshly squeezed orange juice that you used to buy from your favourite market. It was only a drink, but it was a nice home comfort for that moment.

You sat back at the table and closed your eyes, time passed, the bees flew by you, one landing the table and taking in the nectar from a little juice that you had split. You didn’t noticed as your eyes felt heavy, your head falling onto your arms.

“Y/N,” you heard someone whisper.

When you opened your eyes you weren’t sure where you were, all you could see was the faint pattern on the blanket that was over your arms. 

“Y/N are you okay?” They asked again, though this time you recognised the voice, it was Kili. 

“Kili,” you said sleepily.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked.

You lifted your head slowly, “I’m sorry, I must have fallen asleep again.”

You felt confused, and still weren’t really sure where you were, your stomach was still aching and you knew you’d have to have a moment alone soon to check you hadn’t started your period. 

“It’s okay, as long as you’re okay,” Kili said softly as he stroked your hair.

You looked up at him, “I’m okay, I guess I should get dressed huh?”

Kili smiled, “Take all the time you need, Gandalf if preparing us to go outside and meet Beorn.”

You shuddered at the thought, partly out of fear, partly out of guilt for delving into his cupboards without asking.

Kili cocked his head to the side, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You nodded, though reached out for him to help you stand from the table, “Just a strange night’s sleep is all and a bit of a headache,” you figured it was half the truth. 

Kili hugged you as you stood, “Anything we can do, just let us know.”

You smiled back at him, “Thank you Kili,” you placed a kiss on his forehead and followed him back to where you had been sleeping. 

“Morning all,” you smiled at the dwarves as you gathered your clothes in your hands.

They all muttered hello back, some more awake than others, some smiling, some not looking at you, you couldn’t blame them.

“Just going to get dressed quickly,” you said to Fili as you walked away from the group. 

You found a quiet corner by the kitchen out of view from the others and set about getting dressed. There was a lavatory which you used and realised, to no surprise, that you had started to bleed during the night. Thankfully it hadn’t seeped through all your clothes so the others wouldn’t have noticed. 

You counted the tampons you had left and sighed, at least you would be okay for now, but needed to think of what to say to one of the others about it going forward. You needed to speak to Oin about pain relief anyway, whilst they didn’t have pain killers, there must be a herb they used to stave off pain. 

You rejoined the group 5 minutes later, who seemed to be waiting, somewhat impatiently for you. 

“Y/N, you are to join myself and Bilbo, we are to go and introduce ourselves first,” Gandalf instructed. 

Fili and Kili patted you on the shoulder as you walked past for support. You walked to Gandalf and stood beside him, looking up at his kind face you felt save, certain that the wise old wizard knew what he was doing.

As the door opened you heard wood being chopped, sunlight flooded in and beyond was the most glorious scene. Ponies running in the field, flowers blooming, your heart sung, all fear diminished.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I have the next chapter already written, I just need to spend some time editing it and hopefully will be able to post by Christmas eve.


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